On Spirituality and Religion, Part 2: Background

I’ve been actively soul searching and spiritually seeking for a few years now. This is nothing more than a return to my childlike nature. I couldn’t help but ponder spiritual, metaphysical, and ethical questions (as well as a host of other topics not immediately applicable to this here blog post) in my youth.

I had many deep inquiries:

“Why are we part of life on this earth?”

“Where did I come from before I was born? After I die, where will I go? Is it the same place?”

“Could our Universe really be as small as a blade of grass or grain of sand? Have I had other lives on this earth or elsewhere? If so, did I know my mom or my dogs in any of them?”

“Why am I supposed to love God more than anyone else? I love my mom more than I love God, and I don’t really want to change that.

“Why is it that some people are born so nerdy, and other people are born cool? It’s not really fair, is it?”

These innate spiritual questions were informed by Christian teachings. First in the rigid Missouri-Synod Lutheran school where I went until 5th grade. Then in the more liberal, yet just as cliquey, Presbyterian church where I was confirmed—an event directly proceeding the termination of my faith in Christianity and the initiation of my agnostic phase.

I set about focusing on secular life. One thing I knew for sure: religion, especially Christianity, didn't interest me at all. Some Eastern traditions (about which I knew little) piqued my curiosity, but I really thought religion a manmade construct that harmed more than helped.
I don’t think this an uncommon route for the modern spiritual seeker.

But in the past few years, I have naturally revisited my childhood ponderings on the reason for human existence. I can’t remember exactly how this yearning returned, but it started around the same time I came to know Dr. Scott Taylor. His doctoral dissertation on the transformative effect of Near Death Experiences on survivors rekindled the passion that fuels my current spiritual quest. His findings were fascinating, and I craved more. Scott introduced me to Abraham-Hicks and the Law of Attraction, Conversations with God, and Bob Monroe’s spiritual and scientific Journeys out of the Body.

Then Oprah (She’s my hero. Ain’t no shame.) chose A New Earth as her book club selection and even went so far as to create an entire web-based class around it. Some girlfriends formed a book club, and so I was introduced to Eckhart Tolle and his theories about the ego and the pain body. Tolle's teachings transformed the way in which I view my lifelong addiction to worry and anxiety. He has taught me the importance of presence.

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron has shaped and enriched my spirit in dramatic fashion. I wouldn’t be on this beautiful island if I hadn’t decided to start her course while visiting ten months ago. Committing to a Morning Pages practice and daring to see myself as an artist sparked a synchronous chain of life changers, and I will never be the same. Leaving my old life was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Exciting yes, but extremely painful at the same time. I left one of my most deeply treasured relationships behind.

But I had to do it. Deep down, in my soul, I know this to be true.

And, so here I am. A young adult holding hands with the spirit of her wondering, magical inner child. Trying now, in cyberspace, to articulate her faith both in and to the universe.